Sassy Movie

I don’t really watch just any movie. I watch those which I have interest into, like Matrix, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, stuff like that and yes, most of it are fictional the ones which doesn’t really exist. Or wouldn’t exist, or if does exist, to me it doesn’t. Like I said, I only see those movies I have interest on, I don’t watch randomly because if I do have time to watch, I would just pick a series which I haven’t finished yet and then watch it. But things do change when you have somebody. :)

I kinda watched a record breaking number of movies for the past 9 months than I ever had. And if not in the cinema, it would be a DVD rip or mp4 format movies which I watch in my laptop or PC. Most of these movies I’ve seen are either with him or from him or of some way I’ve acquired in connection to him. And definitely most of those movies are those which I never thought of watching, at all. =)

One of it is love stories, I didn’t like watching those, mostly because I don’t want myself to relate to it, to the part where there is a happily ever after or such. Because I always thought I’m not a typical girl and my love story wouldn’t be that typical too (like in the movies). Right now I cannot think of any purely love story movie that I really liked, but guess what, I just watched My Sassy Girl movie and liked it. I think I related to it (not totally but probably most of it). Yep, I said it, I liked it. Definitely not typical but probably fictional. I like the part where the guy loved the girl thru her crazy antics. I like the part where the term destiny is still related to a person’s action (what he/she would do). And I like the part where the girl realized her wrongs and realized in herself that he really loved the guy just as he is and not just because he is coping with her past heartbreak. :)

Do I pass as a sassy girl? Hmm.. That’s not what I’m trying to say but maybe in some way I like to think I do. Hihih ;)

9th

Today is our 9^th monthsary. We had a great time last night and greeted each other early.

Today, thankfully I got a straight schedule at work so afterwards I went to Marina Mall to meet him there. It was not that long ride but waiting for the bus took time. I arrived after 30 minutes. I just want to see him so when he told be that he’s already there but with his friends, I told him I’ll just wait on a bench in front of the fountain but he didn’t liked the idea so I got up and prepare to go to where he is but thankfully he phoned and I saw him meters away from me.  Unfortunately (since I actually didn’t want to) we went to see his housemates to say he is going with me. I’m not into those situations but I did put on a smile and throw some jokes to lighten up. After that we went to see some gadgets, I looked for a digicam that I would like but didn’t find any. Then we see the cellphone stands and found one I liked and decided to buy it. Getting a digicam is what I planned but having a nice phone is not bad either so I got a Samsung GT-S5233W EDGE Quad Band, it’s not much but I like it, it has wifi and camera so it’s fine with me. Thankfully I got passed the idea of just buying the latest, now, I stick on buying something I like and also would not hurt my pocket. =D We got some free movie tickets so we went to the cinema to see if there is any movie we could watch, as expected we didn’t find any. After that we went to get some food. We had Sbarro pizza, pasta and salad. I enjoyed our time together, especially when he just stared and smiled at me. I love this guy. :)

We went home and during the ride we decided to go somewhere and meet some friends but the planned changed because at the middle of our conversation I pissed him off. I guess there are some nice words that I haven’t said or some nice gestures that I haven’t done. I went home sad, tears did fell, I thought it’s the end of us. He sent me an SMS afterwards and I got to tell him what I felt. We did straighten things out and decided tomorrow would be another day. I just said to my self that night that, if I was still me before I met him, I would probably have just gone my way and ended everything. But I can’t, I don’t know why but I can’t, not with him. Period.

I do got some snob personality but under it is just me trying not to hurt myself by getting close to someone, but to this guy, I can’t help but letting myself all out in front of him (hmm.. maybe not all-all but definitely not holding back anything).

Today, as I said in my SMS, I don’t ask for perfection but I do hope for understanding. Love is far more important than pride. And, I love you.

Work na naman

It’s a Saturday. As always we have work. Within these past days I got up late and always rushing to go to the pick-up point for our shuttle service. Today I really am late, glad I still saw the van arrived and waited for me while I walk and cross the way (thankfully). It’s an unpleasant scene if I didn’t make it to the service because I would need to get a taxi really fast because if I log in later than 9:15am that would mean no salary for the rest of the day. Awts. Funny thing is, there are no workers around (gardeners and construction workers I usually see), glad for them since they don’t have work on a Saturday. Ok, ok.. There might be some benefits in their work and so to mine.. ;b

Two of my colleagues just filed their resignation last week, meaning we will be decreasing in number. I’m affected since our accountant for insurance will be leaving too. Affected in a way that I don’t know what would happen if ever they’d find a replacement, what shall be her or his job? Hmm.. I wouldn’t know but I should get myself ready. This would mean a lot of work that might add up. Be ready. Be ready. Be ready. And about the buzz that the replacement shall be getting higher salary than me should not bother me at all.. Though it would. I decide not to be bitter in these things because our God is just. And He knows what I need. So why should I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need. He knows what I need. :)

Wee and Wii

After the Friend’s Day, our group practiced our presentation for the After Glow, the Anniversary Celebration of FCC.

The concept is nice and we almost finished the presentation. Did some singing and dancing. Had fun with the dancing part. I started getting active in our Church in the Philippines by dancing. I remember when I first joined the Tambourine Dance, that was during a DVBS presentation and I think I was 10 years old by that time. Since then, I haven’t left the dancing ministry and we started to do Interpretative and Modern Dance, until I started working. I don’t want to feel too grown up to dance, but because of the work schedule I faded in the practices and attending practice when I have time was changed into giving my self time to rest. I missed dancing, that’s why doing some simple steps yesterday is very nice. Most of all, I missed dancing as a way to give praise to God. Audience of One in everything we do. :)

After the presentation practice we went to Al Wahda to spend time with Hon’s father. I enjoyed walking around seeing gadgets, talking and eating halo halo.

After eating we parted with his father and went to another practice for an ethnic dance presentation for the worship service on FCC’s anniversary. How did I join? I got talked into it by Bro. Jay R, I agreed to join and though I haven’t attended all the practices they’d still included me so I continued. The practice went well. We finished the steps and learned the other parts. Just need to practice more with the other casts in the presentation. Hope I could attend to that practice..

After the practice we stayed with Colin, makulit but sweet little girl. We waited for her mother and father to arrive since she seems to like company and also since we need (or thought we need) to get sized up for the costumes. We played Wii, it’s a nice interactive game with a sensor that makes it feel like you are actually playing the game, hmm.. Probably call this a virtual reality game noh? Hmm.. Anyways, had real fun and too much laughs seeing Hon and Nicol magkulitan. Seeing that scenario made me think of us having kids. Hmmm.. Deep thought. And it would be a blessing. :)

No Brakes

Crazy mouth. Just spilled imperfection without any grace.. Ooops.. Sorry. Sometimes (or maybe most of the time) I do things like that. I didn’t know that it would hurt. I just know that it’s the truth for that matter of time.

But I do need to learn to put some brakes on my tongue. Not because I’m used to being told of my imperfection should I assume that other people are also.. Yep, I’m used to being told of my wrongs, and I do accept it no matter how it’s been said (soft, loud, angry or nice voice, etc.) I’m used to it. I do agree to it and although I’m not quite good at it, I do try to improve myself.

It hurts sometimes that people I love wouldn’t accept all of me and would try to change me, I won’t blame them, and coz in their point of view it should be done. If it is how they express their love then so be it and let it be. =)

Though, I still believe that love is best expressed when you love someone no matter what appearance, attitude, habit or character he or she has. That is, acceptance. And if it is His will for our love ones to change, it should be asked politely in prayer. Lots and lots of it. Since it is by grace that we are change from glory to glory and it applies to everyone, both you and me. Peace out! (--,)”)

New Location

Within eleven months of staying in UAE, this is the 3^rd house where I’d be staying. In my first two months I lived in Sharjah. Then I moved to Elektra, Abu Dhabi, I stayed there for almost nine months. Then due to some transportation issues, I need to move to Khalidiya, Abu Dhabi. It’s really weird because I didn’t actually want to leave any of those places where I stayed, there were just some uncontrolled events that affected it. Like in the first work I had in Dubai (where our accommodation is in Sharjah), I didn’t really wanted to resign because the people are nice there but since they cannot provide me working visa I grabbed the opportunity here in Abu Dhabi. Now, I’m in Abu Dhabi. Last month I got a job offer in Dubai but I didn’t accept it mainly because I’m not ready to move yet (though all the circumstances I’m facing that time tells me to do so) and because I got a feeling that my current employer won’t let me get off that easy (leaving me to the possibility of losing my current and suppose to be new job). So, here I am, still in Abu Dhabi, just moved a bit far from the city. I haven’t finished unpacking my things and setting my stuff there but hopefully I will by this week.

Got some adjusting to do, like I’m sharing a room with more peepz, they’re not used on locking the doors (I don’t even have the key), and they use tap water in the water dispenser. Right now, I like the room because it’s clean though not totally organized. The A/C is nice also, it’s quite cold inside. I slept well because my roommates weren’t there yet. And off course, there is wired internet and the connection are quite fast, that’s high points. =D

Yappy

I talk too much. I talk too loud. And with anger spoken comes tears from my eyes. It’s actually my body refusing to be angry. But what to do? Right now I’m like this, but I still believe that tomorrow I could be change. Because change is permanent. And I know the Author of me knows best and He knows what His plans for me are. I know I still have an attitude and it’s been really hard to shake off but hope is still there and nothing is impossible to Him.

Thankfully I’ve seen changes in me. Mainly is about caring. Before to run away from being irritated I just don’t care about what’s happening around me. Yup, I know it’s not right not to care, but that seems to me as a form of self defense (so that I won’t be bothered). But now, I do care about many things I didn’t care before. Like how people see me, I care now, not because of me but of Him who’s Name He let me carry with me. =)

I see more than I see before. I see talking too much when angry or bothered is not advisable. And it’s getting boring. I also observed that I’m not used to people caring about me. It’s a foreign feeling and I seem to reject it. I’m not used to people telling me what to do because I’ve done most of the things I need to do, alone. I know it’s not good to be alone, but most of the time in the past years of my life I’m more on the helper than the helped one. So, having people give “care” suggestions or help really does seem foreign to me. Maybe this is why I yap too much. Err.. ;b

Saturday Work

Don’t do much during Saturdays. Usually I got Saturday work as a reflection and planning time.

Reflection of what I am now, what I’ve accomplished and what improvement do I need to grow.

Planning more on the financial aspect. I’ve got couple of reason why I went here, first is to give myself more reflection time and focus on getting close to Him, second is to explore, and third is to earn money to help my parents.

At first, I already knew that I won’t be getting much pay when I went here, so earning more isn’t really a high possibility. So, mainly I went here for the opportunity to explore the world outside the Philippines. And knowing I’ll be away, it means me more likely being all by my self, thus, focus on getting close to Him. In my first month I’ve got the chance to explore, both professionally and leisurely. It didn’t feel much that I’m far from the country (but now honestly, it really gives me the creeps of being far from the country and wanting to go home..).

He never fails to show His love, thus, when I first went to a service worship I felt His presence and love that even in this far away place He is still with me. On the second month my sister went on vacation, thus, I haven’t been able to go to Church. But God knows everything and he guided me into getting in touch again with a long friend of mine whom I haven’t talk for a while. And there is where it all begun, me being able to go to Church regularly, attend Bible Study, be a member of FCC and attend Evangelism Training Class. Here, I’ve been able to share the gospel to people I don’t really know, knowing that God has a plan for their lives. Yes, there have been challenges inside of me but God never fails to give knowledge, wisdom and comfort. Now, without a doubt I am a sinner but because of God’s love He sent His one and only begotten Son Jesus Christ to die for my sins and rose again to be my Saviour and Lord, on the right hand of God, our Supreme High Priest and King. Of no other reason am I saved, not of any good work I have done coz I also done wrong, not in the times where I helped anyone in need coz I also unable to give help and refused, not of me going to Church coz there were some Sundays I’ve not been able to come, not of any other reason but by the Blood of Jesus Christ. By God’s grace I am save. Because He loved me and saved me and called me. I am lost but He found me. I am a slave of sin but He has given me freedom. I am before in the darkness but He called me to His marvelous light. Struggles will come but only one truth remains, God will never leave me nor forsake me. He is the author and finisher of my faith. I am nothing without Him. And in His grace and mercy I can live only in Him.

Flash News

He called me just now. I mean what I said, as I did the first time I said it, again and again before.. The reason that I will give up is when he gives up. Just like he made me feel yesterday, that’s the only reason I’ll give up, when he did. So, now I’m glad to hear he loves me. Because I also told him that the only reason I will let him go is when he doesn’t love me anymore.. And he also said he could still hold on. I just hope he does. Coz I don’t want to go back to just being me. And most specially because my love is for him.

Time Goes On

The calendar just changed again. Getting complains about how our relationship doesn’t improve because of me just flashed into my head. It must have really ended, whatever we had. Ah.. I really don’t know.

I feel cold and my head hurts like it’s filled with water. This moment calls for a nice quiet time in the roof, gazing the shimmering stars. A nice afternoon sitting by the beach, looking beyond the sea and seeing the clouds move. Or maybe a slow walk through the plaza and market place seeing how people get on to their life. Life does goes on. Too bad, can’t do any of that here. Not much stars. Artificial beach and humid temperature. And walking around observing people is just weird, since most of them are guys I might be mistaken for something I’m not. So, here I am, listening to songs I don’t understand and writing paragraph who knows if someone would understand.

I always get complains. When I’m in high school one of my classmates told me I have a fake smile. That’s harsh but really funny. She just said to me that I’m a fake though I didn’t feel or intend to be that way. When I started working, my boss told me I’m not sensitive. That’s harsh but that might be the truth. Thankfully while other people gave complains about me at work I got a nice support from our group. It’s a nice feeling having their support, coz really, I just need to finish the work maybe that’s why others see me as insensitive. I think I grown a lot. Experienced a lot and still do.

Freaked

Yup. No other word for what I feel right now but this.

Life wouldn’t be perfect by having perfect moments. Since no one is perfect, no one could even define perfectness in life.

Today is really a freaked day. I still have problems about the accommodation. And now, I think we broke up. Or maybe I broke up with him. Either way, it’s just “tears every moment I think about it” moment for me.

I’m still confused. Plain blank moment from now on.

I don’t like pride and I’m not a big fan of the norms. Suffering and sadness won’t matter either, just the truth. Plain unspoiled truth. That’s what matters. Truth means being myself, and being accepted as is. But truth also means what he wants me to be, “for my own good”. But not being what he want me to be, does it means he don’t love me? I don’t know.. I really can’t answer a question not directed to me.

It really hurts. But what can I do? It’s still my fault, I could just change as he want me to be.. This probably is one of the reasons why I can’t let myself be me. I draw people away. But I guess they just want me to be a smiley happy person even if I don’t feel I have to be that way. In reality, I don’t need to laugh or smile to know that I’m happy. I’m happy when my heart feels happy. I do laugh and smile too much, but I wouldn’t suggest that to define me.

So, what now? He said “we just need space”. Reading that makes my tummy ache, I like to vomit to show my unacceptance. But I would stay to the thought that I don’t like him to suffer anymore, in tolerating me and every actions of mine which he doesn’t understand. I love him. I cannot be without him. But hearing from him that he feels he is suffering, that he is giving up too much and adjusting too much for me and at the end he feels he still lost, means, I need to let him go. I never liked the idea of making others suffer. For me, I could suffer but not them, not him.

Right now, I feel like asking myself: “Did I ever ask him to change for us to have a better relationship?” I never did. And don’t need to, too me, changing someone is not a requisite of having a good relationship. For me, it’s the opposite, good relationship means accepting everything, good or bad. I get scolded a lot as a child and as I grow up I learned that acceptance is a very nice illustration of love. Because I’m not easily accepted, meaning, if someone accepts me (all I am, whatever it might be) is the best thing ever. I thought I already am accepted by him, but hearing that he feels he lost, doesn’t bring a good feeling to me. I don’t know why this tear doesn’t stop. But I have to pull myself together, same old, same old.

Ramadan Fever

Literally I’m in the verge of a fever because of this tiring schedule. It’s 12:16am now, and my head aches. I don’t know if this is the effect of drinking a can of Mountain Dew or by not taking a cup of coffee instead.

Have inconsistent sleeping hours, 5hrs+ in the morning then 1-2hrs+ in the evening. Never had this kind of schedule before. Now I understand how it is with call center peepz, only difference is they have straight working hours. Hmm.. Hopefully when I get to move to the new place I can get much more sleep than this. If I move by September 5, I still have five days to try and regain the rest I lack. Hopefully. Though I’m still a bit pessimistic about it, since rest includes privacy, that is, a quiet environment and a nice cozy room for me.

40 Days

Forty days passed since I’ve wrote something here. Hmm.. Got so much thought for these past days but haven’t found the will to write it down.

With regards to my work, I’m quite pissed. The transportation has been cut and I need to relocate. Another problem is, they plan to get accommodation and it’s still not ready. Meaning, I’m ready to move but there is no place to move in to. I don’t feel fine with the 7 times travelling within a day. Before it was 4 times, now it increased, sad part is, travelling time increased because I need to take the bus. It’s hot and crowded, not to mention the time consumed due to the stops and I need to catch up with the bus timings because if I don’t I’ll be late. Another thing is the timings, we are still on split shift and the crazy part is I work as accounts and I get to go home by 1am. Not really the best moment for me now, but trying to get through with this as if I got enough sleep..

I got a job offer to a company in Dubai. Benefits wise it’s a good opportunity. But I got to think twice about moving especially when I felt during the conversation with the Admin Manager that they would not be giving me up that easily. Funny thing is, not because they could actually give me the same offer as the other company but because they have the ability to make it hard for me to transfer, like requiring me to exit and giving me ban or something like that. So for the moment, I’ll let this go and always hope for the best plans of Him who knows what is best. =)

Missing my family, missing my friends, missing the fellowship. Miss it too much, and all of it is stuck in my head, especially the ones where I put too much hope not only for me but for those who believed in me.. If I remember correctly, there have been two instances where I felt a sudden rush to get back home but off course I have to reproach from that feeling because I just can’t dwell on it. It will be very difficult if I got stock on that.. Not here. Not now.

With my hon. There have been challenges within our relationship but thankfully we got pass it. Speaking of relationships, I’m still trying to improve myself with the hope that I could change from my former loner me and could be entertaining and helpful to others. I got passed this for a while before I left the Philippines, but somehow it caught up with me here. I still don’t know what to do, but one thing is for sure, I’m not fond of being unliked by people around me. Problem is, the “not wanting to be too close to other people because of the thought that I might lose them” is getting close to me again. I don’t like it. It makes me irritable to others.

Increased weight. Wehh? Long issue. Is it possible to return to my former physique? Err.. Next question. Wahah ;b

What else happened within these days? Hmm.. Too much.

Plans?

Tomorrow is July 26, my 23rd Birthday. Hmm.. I don’t have plans. But being ask about it got me asking myself, what do I want to do for my birthday? Tuff thing to think about. For starters I got this idea of treating myself to T.G.I.F or Chilis.. Yum! But then, I remembered our schedule is split shift.. Grr.. Meaning I could only do this during the break time, 2-5pm, but don’t want to because I want to eat with my Hon.. Or after the 2nd shift, which is probably 10pm? Hmm.. That would be too late, and eating large meal at night means more weight for me, wahaha.. So nope, not either. Hmm.. I could go on straight shift right? Request to our management to allow me to go on straight since its my birthday, well, not too bad, but as usual very out of place in the workplace.. Or maybe I could just do half day? Not bad either, but that means deduction again from my salary and should I say, a spot on my attendance records also.. So, what now? That leaves me into, err.. Nothing. No plans as of now. =]

Rest Day?

Yesterday was a blast. Friday’s are always a blast. Come to think of it, why ain’t I got two rest days? I mean, I know a lot who has Friday and Saturday off.. Hmm..  As for the company I’m working for, err.. Nope, just Friday for you dear. Hehe..

Well, guess I just have to go with it, since it’s the schedule they’ve set. But I do feel sometimes that one rest day in a week is not enough to get some charging after the “mentally” and most of the time “emotionally” stressing work with all the drama and weirdness of the management..

Thinking about rest, don’t feel much off it during week days either, we are on split shift, we go to work twice a day.. So, that’s going to work twelve times in a week.. Thankfully we sometimes get some days on straight shift and got to go home by 7pm (supposed to be early), but during those times it’s mostly allotted for doing laundry or other choirs.. Hehe..

Hmm.. Well.. This is life abroad to me. Where’s the rest day? Hmm.. Schedule it on my yearly vacation..

Celebration

Everyday is a celebration. But everyday is different from the other, like today, I feel it’s very special. :D

Went to church, received beautiful red roses from Hon.. Really like it.. =)

Glad my sister also came. After a while we got to attend the Worship Service together again. Learned the Superiority of Christ to Moses. If Moses remained faithful as a servant of the house, Lord Jesus remained faithful as the builder of the house. God is faithful, His love never fails.

Bought pizza at Khalidiya Mall. Ate nutty chocolate donut at Dunkin Donuts with Baskin and Robbins Ice cream while waiting for the pizza’s to be ready.

Went to our BS at Ate Evelyn’s flat. Had delicious lunch and wonderful dessert. Learned more of God’s revelation for the things that will happen on the last days.

Afterwards, got a chance to hear my brothers and sisters’ Birthday and inspirational messages to me. My sister from Dubai and my Hon’s father is also there.

I am so blessed. Giving thanks how God has provided us everything in this world in all aspect of our lives as we live in Him, the giver of life.

Had a very nice cake, love the blue ribbon around it.. Thanks Hon! ;)

Went home: filled, and happy – birthday. ;D

Turn on the Heat

The weather is rising, but they say this is not yet its peak, I’m guessing the temperature now would be playing around 45 to 50 degrees Celsius, or hopefully still sometimes down up to 40degrees Celsius. I’m starting to get the “humidity” thing also, at night, going home and feeling the same heat during the day.

A morning walk of 2-3 minute from the flat to the parking is not that bad.. Hmm.. Afternoon walk using an umbrella? It actually feels the same without.. :D

Thankfully, there’s a lot of trees and grass within the city, it lessens the heat. And off course having the thought of running inside to get some AC is nice. More about it, I feel not confident to walk around without a bottle of water in my bag, hmmm, like today. I forgot eh. ;D

Routine

I’ve been going on this routine for a while now.. Get up in the morning, take a bath and go to work. Freshen up, open my PC, organize my things, get a cup of hot drink, do some reading and turn to the monitor for work stuff.. Or mix it up a bit sometimes. :D

Hmm.. After finishing the important “work stuff,” I admit I’ve been idle these days.. :D

See now, working hours are mostly the monitor and me so, I open my playlist in WMA, open TextTwist (play it afterwards), see the movie list for something I like to watch and then open my work files.

It’s silly to try to relax at work, because it’s technically work and I know there are still some things to be done but I guess I’ve got the “wait till it happen” or “slack it off” syndrome through the day. Haha.. Funny, but not really.. I mean, I’m not initiating anything, which is sort of sad for me coz I still like being busy and doing too much work. Combined with the crazy management, I guess I think there’s nothing to boost me on as we say “working hard” on what I should do which lead me to being like this, settling for doing nothing much of what I prefer. Err.. It’s not actually doing nothing.. It’s more on not doing too much.

Dates

The dates we’ve got last week was nice also, its super sweet, ate it the whole day and the next day I’ve got it. Picking some fresh (though not looks like it) from the tree 2 days ago was nice experience too. The dates were dusty, and I can’t tell if its good or not but when I washed it, peeled the skin and ate it, guess what, its really nice and sweet. :D

The experiment with the fresh dates I kept from last week went well also, 3 out of 6 I’ve got to ate and it did turned ripe from hard to soft. For the remaining 3, 1 of it tastes sour so for the other 2 I’ve just have to throw because of the looks of it.

Fresh dates are better than the processed ones, I really appreciate the soft texture. Though I heard that among the fruits dates were the highest sugar content, second is the watermelon, hmm.. So, I guess though still craving, I should li-low.

Bits

Sharing bits of me is definitely a new thing.

Before, I thought it was just fine to hear my friends’ stories and try to understand them, give advice or simply just listen. I don’t talk much about me because it’s too boring, nothing that (I think) others would appreciate. When asked a question about me, I just answer briefly. Another reason why I don’t really share my stories or problems is because I have to listen first to theirs and not add mine to theirs.. Listening is kinda my thing.

Though, I still feel and do this way, I guess it really wouldn’t hurt if I share my personal experiences with others. :)

Gradually increasing the percentage of letting stories leak out from me..

I got something about friendship, it’s sharing bits of you to others, leaving a piece of yourself for others to hold.

Gym?

Harhar.. Yup, gym. Gym daw eh.. Eh di gym..

Proper diet and gym sessions, let’s see. =D

Feeling at Home

Being at home is different from feeling at home.

So, here I am, in a place too far away from home. In a place where going back home is not an option I can make without serious effects, where going back home is set on a given date as per contract.. Here where thinking of going back home means a lot of preparation..

Here where I need to feel at home to get through..

It’s been 10 months since I left home.. The hope of getting home by this year has almost faded, though I could still go, it is not advisable.

Simple?

I always thought and say to my self that I like simple things. But, what is a simple thing? Really? Is there anything simple? I’m not sure.. All I know is that every single creation is created with complexity because our Creator is all-powerful.

As for me, all I ask for is love.. Not material.. Be it with a kiss, a hug, or a hand to hold. A real love not spoken in words but felt by the heart. Maybe it’s too much to ask but when I think of it this is really what I want.

Love is a thing that bind us all human being.

Because of Love, I am alive. And for this reason, I should start with myself, giving out love instead of asking for love.

Though I like being simple, I am really not easy to understand, but I believe that the person who loves me would always understand.. Me, as me. I couldn’t be perfect and I couldn’t be somebody else either. But I do try to improve, and cope as I should not because of my own abilities but because of Him who gives His grace abundantly.

Am I disappointed when I don’t get what I want? Well, yes. But this doesn’t suggest that I should be. Remember, everything you need were already provided. Everything else not with you right now is either on the way, coming or not what you really need for the moment.

Liking Switchfoot :)

I just got a copy of Jon Foreman’s EP songs. When I listened to it, I just remembered why I like Switchfoot. It’s because their songs somewhat explains what I feel inside. Knowing someone out there has the same thoughts as me, probably the same experiences as me, maybe not exactly the same but at least, a part of it.

Their songs, tells a story (most of it I could relate too). I think their lyrics ain’t made to be just plain simple words but composed of deep thoughts of a deep sense of deeper meaning.

I’ve started liking Switchfoot I think back in 2005 or 2006 during “Nothing is Sound” Album. Well that year was the first time I heard their songs or heard about them.. And it’s not because of A Walk to Remember movie (though I did like that movie). It was after I started downloading Switchfoot songs that I came to know that theirs was the original Only Hope song. :D

I watched their concert in the Philippines, it was the first and only time I’ve been in a Band concert. And it was great, SF really did amazing in their concert.

Funny thing is.. The thoughts I had when the concert was about to finish came out in one of Jon Foreman’s EP. That is.. “I’m gonna miss you when you’re gone, I’m gonna miss you in your songs.” That I would really miss these guys knowing that they would leave after the concert and come back to their country. That it would take a long time to see them again (but hopefully still will). I cannot even want to think that the time would come that they will stop doing songs and retire.. But as Jon sang it, “Please, don’t talk about the end,” so, I’ll just look forward to more of them in the music buzz.

SF seems to be a simple band but rocks really hard, not much exposure but really made a noise in all the places they’ve been, in the hearts of all the listeners. For me, not typical at all. Peace out. :D

River

There’s a river in my eyes and it flowed through and through tonight.

My deepest thoughts and emotions are always carried by the waters. This is the reason why I like it when it rains, when the raindrops touches my face and hide the tears away. This is the reason why I like swimming, I could submerge my self for a few seconds and cry all I want and have an excuse why my eyes are red.

I’ve been crying all my life and somehow it’s been normal. I cry when my heart’s tremendously happy, touched or moved. I cry when I am sad, disappointed or angry.

There is a quote, it says, “If you want to get to know someone, find out the reason why he is angry.” As for me, if you want to get to know more of me, try to find out the reason why I cry. But don’t ask me, because answering and telling what I feel is too hard to do. Don’t get angry with me, because it would hurt even more.

No one is at fault when I cry. And I always been thankful when I could cry, that means I can still feel and that I have emotion still. I tried not crying, I stopped crying and it didn’t turn out well. Hard and cold is not good for me, that meant I don’t care and been swayed away from the right track. I guess I didn’t even care about everyone around me.. And concentrated on not crying, and pretending I am strong.. But in the real sense of it, empty.

But after a year or so I did start crying again, I missed it, how it’s always been a river. How words need not to be said, and let the tears carry it all. How as my eyes are welled my heart is also, and I feel relieved.

Field of Thankfulness

Nothing is impossible with God. :)

The blessing of God is tremendous.

How everyday He blesses us with another breath. How the sun shines and the wind blows. How food is always served at the table. How all needs were satisfied. How His healing power never fails. How He kept His promises.

Never failing, unweaving love of God, a warm embrace no one could live without.

Thank You for loving me.

Thank You for saving me.

Thank You for your grace.

Thanks and Praises to You alone forever.

At the Verge

Lot’s of thinking today.. Things to settle. Things to think over. Things to appreciate. And things to be thankful for.

Suddenly, moving has been a though thing to do.

During this time, I just want to see the sea.. Watch the waves and look over to the horizon. Or watch the sky and see how the clouds move around.. So that I could calm my mind.. Even for a moment. It’s my way of saying, “Look at everything around you created by the Almighty. Everything is beautiful. Everything is perfect. And everything goes according to the will of the Creator.”

I am so overwhelmed.. I would really like a day off.. A day of reflection. About what has happened and what I am now. What changed? What improved? Am I who I want to be? Cause.. All I want to be is to be the one my Creator wants me to be.. Glory by glory being changed into His likeness, into His perfect will, by His grace and power.

A picture really can say a thousand words.. And those pictures are in my head right now.. And I feel peace.. Not because I can do anything in my own, but all because God can to everything and nothing is impossible. It’s a matter of letting go of all the fears and doubts and letting Him take over. It’s about embracing the learning that God wants me to understand and stop thinking about the crazy stuff.

At the verge, but thankful. At the verge, but at rest. At the verge, but rest assured everything will be as God has perfectly willed. :)

June

Hmm.. Today is my niece birthday. I’m here at work so I’ll be calling there later, just have to finish some stuff I need to do.

So, what happened in June?

Hmm.. June is mission month at the church. I’ve been able to participate on M.E. activities, like in the presentation, we sang God of this City, then in the ushering and offertory. It’s my first time to participate during the Church service since I left the country.

Praise God for His guidance, the mission month went well. I know that He has a plan, and it’s always the best. We celebrated the Friends Day yesterday, then International Friends Day in the evening. There’s a lot for me to improve on myself so that I can be able to do more for the ministry, not because I have to, but because of the service for God. :)

This is also my 8^th month here in U.A.E., I spent 2 months in Dubai so it’s 6^th month in Abu Dhabi. Hmm.. Nothing to be sad about, being far away from home that is.. Though, I do have some serious time that I’m feeling homesick, but thanks be to God for his comfort and care for me here through the people he gave to me.

Plus, Plus, Plus

Endless, the work in the office seems to be. Yep, it’s almost two weeks now that I haven’t found a day without much time to just slack at the office, wahahaha.. Too many things to do, sometimes I just don’t want to do it. Hihih.. Hmm, but nice, I learned much, new experience is always nice. :)

Though I’m not that satisfied with what I’ve actually done, since too much are still left to do.. Without any idea how to actually do it, I still have to try.

The big bosses are being themselves again. My seatmate as always sort of irritating even if he’s not doing anything to me, ;b because when he starts to talk I cannot even listen, but as of now, I feel its better not to talk to him just to avoid any arguments, it’s almost a week now, and I sort of think he doesn’t exist anymore, but again my reasoning is just so that I wouldn’t have to fight with him again. XS

There are new members coming to the company, one starting to freak everyone out, hmm, I have no idea if he would still continue or even start with the company as per the comments I’ve heard last night.

Hmmm.. But overall the days keeps on flowing, a bit itchy because of the heat outside but moving on with a smile and a violin playing on the background. (Talking weird again, hehe)

:)

Unexpected and fulfilled. Feel loved and embraced. Truly and wonderfully. Loved being loved and blessed. :)

Light Blue Colored Night

Enjoying the silence of the night, with the breeze touching my face, letting my hair flow like waves.. Feeling the heat of the air through this light blue colored night. Closed my eyes, wondered.. How can it be cold and warm at the same time? Opened my eyes and asked myself, where am i? Ah.. This is not were I thought I would be but now I’m here. Took a deep breath and walked on.. Back to reality.

Buzzing Out

Please let me buzz out today. I need to.. I have to. Or else I’ll be doomed again with my own faults..

See? 30 minutes after I got some questioning about my declamation yesterday. Bzzz

Don’t be Bored

I’m feeling excited about having a vacation in the Philippines this year (hopefully). I’ve been thinking of the all I’m missing in the Philippines. My family, my friends, everything. And now, with new destinations to go to, thinking about vacation is quite fun right now, hmm.. though there is a possibility of not being able too. But I guess I’ll just entertain myself by thinking about it.

Abroad. What I think about abroad is a place where I could earn double or thrice as much as I’m getting in the Philippines. Err.. Ok. Got that. But, it didn’t come to mind that I would really have to leave here. Well, you see, at first I thought of it as just work, I’ll just work here abroad, but now, the reality is, I have to work and live here. So the earnings don’t really come out in one piece. Need to pay for rent, buy grocery, toiletries, load, internet, everything. But still there is a positive effect; I learn now to be independent. Unlike before, yes, I work and give something for my family but in reality I might have been taking more than I’m giving, I mean, I go to work, and then at home I just eat and sleep, not doing anything much to help.. because I’m tired or maybe I’ll be going somewhere again and leave the house. Hmm.. Thinking about this helps, now I could just give something for my family and not take anything anymore. I do my laundry, ironing of clothes, cooking.. etc. Hmm.. Hope now I could say that bit by bit, it is giving back time.

So don’t be bored, everything is under His control and will always be.

Meow

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That’s a relief. Get one task down and now I can breathe. For the moment that is. Hmm.. Not much to do? Nope. It’s just that I’m trying to pretend there is not much to do. Hihi.. ^_^)”)

Bored.. But not quite. Got to do important stuff, though not work related.. ;)

Feeling Defensive?

There is always some value to whatever we give efforts to.

This is what I see.

There is always something.

Weird thing is, the spotlight has been switched on. And the lights man decided to put it on me on the next show.

Can’t wait. Who would?

Weirdness has always struck me.

And, oh, whatever it would turn out to be.

Just enjoy it.

No need to be defensive.

Accept it wholly.

Morning

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Things irritated me yesterday shouldn’t irritate me again today. Cause that would mean having both days irritating..

Yesterday is gone.

Today is another day.

Another test.

Another opportunity.

My “to do” list says:

Do it.

Please see attached.

I turned the next page and it said,

2 Timothy 1:7

 “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.”

*smile*

Girly Outfit

Hmm.. Last night was a very nice photo shoot, hihihi.. *funny grin*

Liked it very much!

Got me wearing tube-skirt and getting photos taken. That was funny, before I got into that dress I exhausted myself just trying to wear it. Literally! I don’t know why, but I did say “Waahh.. I look like a girl!” or something like that when they gave me the dress. ;)

Hmm.. Well, I really didn’t meant it like I’m a boy (or tomboy? :D) when I said that but I did heard a friend react that “meron ka ngang boyfriend eh (you do have a boyrfriend)” which means I should be a girl right? *wink* *wink* Hmm.. Actually, it’s just that I’m used on wearing jeans and ragged outfit, and wearing girly girl outfit is sure different (err. I think that dress should be sexy right? Wahah, it’s tube kasi eh).. But so much for that, this is just me saying that I’m not used to wearing dress like that in front of many people, but indeed that was fun! Maybe I should just practice and get used to it, change always has its benefits. :D

I still can’t stop thinking about it, ahhmm.. Imagine me as a kid, I wear same clothes as my brother and then I just got pictures taken wearing very girly outfit, wow, that sure is different! ^^,)

Don’t be Like This

Seriously.. I could say we are not kids anymore.. After those years we should have learned something? Right? And you know playing with toys is a no no.. So, don’t tell me you damaged some goods and bought it, and now that you have it you would tell me you don’t really like it? Thankfully you are not in front of me, ‘coz you would deserve a hitting (Really! I would hit you in the head and then laugh --off course, hehe).. I should be mad, because of what you said.. Because this is madness.. Ayst.. Wrong wrong wrong. Just wrong.. Waahhh.. How could I tell you this? Hayst talaga.. Suntukan nalang kaya.. Hehe.. What should I do to you? I couldn’t even answer back when you said that..

But please it’s not over yet.. It’s just a start.. So please, make a happy ending or at least consider it.