Remembering

I remember a lot these past few days. Things I have done before and just today bits of something about my younger days.

I remember the simplicity of my life. How eating cup noodles in a Sunday morning gives me plain satisfaction. How walking alone going home from dance practice is fun. How slouching in the sofa while watching re-play of cartoons is bliss.

Yeah.. Those are my worry free days. Where everything is fine. Where everything is complete. Where I don’t worry about too many things.. My younger days. Where I don’t need to worry of what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner.. Or what to wear.. When to do my laundry.. How to increase my income.. Or when could I really relax (physically and mentally).

Now, I’m all about: When will I finish my work? When can I get a better income? When could I fulfill all my goals? How can I do any of the things I have to do?

I guess this is growing up. This is reality. The place where I need to figure out how to push through.. How to go from this step to the next. And boy.. isn’t it scary?

But still, my reality is in the Lord. Everything is in His hands. And what He tells us to do is to seek His righteousness.. And all of these things (that we need) shall be added unto us.

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Matthew 6:33

New International Version (NIV)

³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

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Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.


~From the television show The Wonder Years

Raised to be alright.

I do have my fears, I just don’t pay attention to it.

I am usually alone. And it’s fine with me. But now, for 20 months and 1 week I already forgot how to be alone. And I don’t know how to react for the fact that in the next days he might leave me for a while (and that could take months.. even years..). He needs to fix some things in his family. And as we know, family is always first. Even for me.

So, I try to ask my self, "What now?", "Can you do it?", "Can you pull through it?." Based on my experience, I'm not good on long distance relationship, though it did last couple of months but eventually I ended it. Maybe this is my fear, that what happened in the past happens again.

But still have faith in Him. He is in control. Thus, I have hope. :)

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Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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“Once you choose hope, anything's possible.”
~Christopher Reeve

Feign? Not. :)

I don’t pretend and unfortunately it doesn’t do well for me. Not all the time that is.

First, people say I’m to frank. Yes, I am. Sometimes to the extent that it hurts people. But in fairness, I did reduced being like this, though sometimes my frankness still comes out..

Second, at work I’m too grim. Haha! Why? Because I can’t help when I’m annoyed my voice becomes high pitched. Just today one of my workmate said, “Why are you always angry?” I just told him, “No, I’m not angry, that’s not me angry. I’m different when I’m angry.” Yeah, it’s true. Me being angry is not talking. If I talked and sounds that I’m angry, not really, I’m just making a point. But somehow I feel disappointed, because this side of me has been vanished years ago but now somehow it comes back. My hunch is because of pressure at work..

I did learn something now that I noticed this traits of mine.. I learned that, I cannot expect people to understand me and that I need to change. And at least hide my bad traits if I cannot completely remove it. Simple reason: I don’t want to hurt other people and I want to be who I suppose to be, that is, a peacemaker not the other way around. :)

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"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9 (NIV)

Overacting

I did overreact today. Sorry.

It’s just one of those stupid things I do. Get angry over something which I forgot that other people might not care about. But that’s still me, can’t help it.. It just slipped out.

Realization? I can pretend that I’m strong or happy just to prove my point, but in the end of it, I will lose a part of me. So, pride and arrogance is never helpful.

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"To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech." Proverbs 8:13 (NIV)

Today.

Today, is kinda same as any other day since I got back from vacation. Work, non stop.. My head aches a bit. And I miss my bed. I work in United Arab Emirates so it is Ramadan month, meaning, it should be six hours of work only but instead I’m working minimum 8 hours and maximum 13.5 hours. I did have normal working days, maybe I just didn’t felt it. Anyways, tomorrow is Thursday so I could go home early. But I do hope to finish at least my June FS by tomorrow and send it to the auditor. That would help.


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"We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once." Calvin Coolidge

What do I do when I'm bored?

I listen to a song.

I play a computer game.

I watch a movie.

I gaze to the sky.

I make a blog. ;)


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According to my dashboard, this is my seventh blog. Haha! Finally decided to put my name on it. Kinda weird, actually. Anyways, I think I might be able to maintain this blog. Let's just see how long. ;D